Hopes and Fears
Motherhood comes with tons of hopes for your little one, but it also comes with as many, if not more, fears. I'd love to put into practice writing these down every once in a while so I can look back and be grateful for the wishes that have come true, the fears that have subsided, and everything in between.
Let's start with the hopes I had when I was pregnant:
I hoped for a calm, unmedicated labor and delivery. Unfortunately, labor and delivery did not go exactly as planned (To read the full story click HERE and then click HERE). Despite the fact that I transferred to the hospital and got an epidural, my labor story has become very special to me. I've had to work through some grief and talk it out with a lot of other mommas, but I'm getting to a point where I can be proud of the 24 hours of unmedicated labor that I did get through. I can appreciate how strong I was and I can understand that my birth is part of who I am and it happened that way for a reason. I know that I still have a ways to go: I'm still affected by it and, to be honest, traumatized by parts of it (multiple people yelling at me to PUUUUSH was not exactly how I wanted to welcome my child into the world and has certainly stuck with me), but I'm getting to a place where I can accept it.
I hoped for a healthy baby (preferably with hair). My Finn came into this world perfectly healthy and, by the grace of God, has stayed that way for all of his 4.5 months. He also has lots of hair that has not stopped growing yet so I'm grateful for that.
I hoped for a girl. I went back and forth on whether or not to put this out there, but I decided that being transparent is the best thing I can do on this little blog of mine. I hoped for a girl. That sounds awful and while I love my little bug more than anything, I honestly did. But God knew what I needed and that deep down inside, I didn't care what the gender of my baby was. While sometimes I find myself wandering into the baby girl section at Target, I love being a boy mom and wouldn't trade it for anything. I get to raise my sweet boy to be a sweet man, I get to dance with him at his wedding, and I get to have a "momma's boy" ;)
Now for the fears I had while pregnant:
I feared a long and painful labor and delivery. I had no idea what to expect when it came to labor contractions. Obviously they're painful and exhausting but I truly had no idea to what extent. See above for more on my feelings about how my labor went.
I feared having toys fill up my home. This is still a fear of mine. Finn is a little young to appreciate toys (he has a few little ones, but not many) so I worry about when he gets older and I specifically worry about birthdays and Christmas. I truly don't want my house to be filled up with toys and large, bright, colorful baby things. He has a corner of the living room that is dedicated to his swing and playmat and there's a playmat in the guest room (where I work). Right now, I can handle that, but I am scared of it taking over. I don't want everyone to get him toys for his birthday or Christmas - I would prefer clothes or books (maybe a couple things that he'll truly be able to enjoy and appreciate). I realize that it may be hard to convince family members, but I hope it's not impossible to keep my house clutter free (for the most part).
I feared losing sleep and balancing work with home life. Honestly, I've just learned to live on less sleep. If I'm completely exhausted, I just go to bed at 9PM with Finn and make up for it. But for the most part it's not too bad. I'm still working on the balancing life part (I think that may just be a constant struggle for work-from-home-moms). It's hard, but when we are home and can stay in a routine, I can usually get a couple good naps out of him and work during those times. Fingers crossed this routine lasts for a while.
Since Finn's birth, my fears have changed to things that are a bit more abstract - I fear that he'll be addicted to television or video games, I fear that he won't enjoy church or will runaway from God, I fear that he will be spoiled or have an attitude. My hopes are that he'll be a sweet and polite boy, he will pick a godly woman to be his wife (I think WAY ahead, clearly), and he will enjoy learning. These hopes and fears are a little harder to plan for which scares me even more. I can just already see how quickly time flies and how before I know it, he'll be off to start a life on his own.
And those, my friends, are the ramblings of a new momma. Happy Wednesday to you!
-Lauren
Anyone have similar fears or hopes? Am I the only one who thinks about my child's marriage and his whole future life? What are some ways that you've been able to overcome these worries and put things into practice to make your hopes a reality?
Let's start with the hopes I had when I was pregnant:
I hoped for a calm, unmedicated labor and delivery. Unfortunately, labor and delivery did not go exactly as planned (To read the full story click HERE and then click HERE). Despite the fact that I transferred to the hospital and got an epidural, my labor story has become very special to me. I've had to work through some grief and talk it out with a lot of other mommas, but I'm getting to a point where I can be proud of the 24 hours of unmedicated labor that I did get through. I can appreciate how strong I was and I can understand that my birth is part of who I am and it happened that way for a reason. I know that I still have a ways to go: I'm still affected by it and, to be honest, traumatized by parts of it (multiple people yelling at me to PUUUUSH was not exactly how I wanted to welcome my child into the world and has certainly stuck with me), but I'm getting to a place where I can accept it.
I hoped for a healthy baby (preferably with hair). My Finn came into this world perfectly healthy and, by the grace of God, has stayed that way for all of his 4.5 months. He also has lots of hair that has not stopped growing yet so I'm grateful for that.
I hoped for a girl. I went back and forth on whether or not to put this out there, but I decided that being transparent is the best thing I can do on this little blog of mine. I hoped for a girl. That sounds awful and while I love my little bug more than anything, I honestly did. But God knew what I needed and that deep down inside, I didn't care what the gender of my baby was. While sometimes I find myself wandering into the baby girl section at Target, I love being a boy mom and wouldn't trade it for anything. I get to raise my sweet boy to be a sweet man, I get to dance with him at his wedding, and I get to have a "momma's boy" ;)
Now for the fears I had while pregnant:
I feared a long and painful labor and delivery. I had no idea what to expect when it came to labor contractions. Obviously they're painful and exhausting but I truly had no idea to what extent. See above for more on my feelings about how my labor went.
I feared having toys fill up my home. This is still a fear of mine. Finn is a little young to appreciate toys (he has a few little ones, but not many) so I worry about when he gets older and I specifically worry about birthdays and Christmas. I truly don't want my house to be filled up with toys and large, bright, colorful baby things. He has a corner of the living room that is dedicated to his swing and playmat and there's a playmat in the guest room (where I work). Right now, I can handle that, but I am scared of it taking over. I don't want everyone to get him toys for his birthday or Christmas - I would prefer clothes or books (maybe a couple things that he'll truly be able to enjoy and appreciate). I realize that it may be hard to convince family members, but I hope it's not impossible to keep my house clutter free (for the most part).
I feared losing sleep and balancing work with home life. Honestly, I've just learned to live on less sleep. If I'm completely exhausted, I just go to bed at 9PM with Finn and make up for it. But for the most part it's not too bad. I'm still working on the balancing life part (I think that may just be a constant struggle for work-from-home-moms). It's hard, but when we are home and can stay in a routine, I can usually get a couple good naps out of him and work during those times. Fingers crossed this routine lasts for a while.
Since Finn's birth, my fears have changed to things that are a bit more abstract - I fear that he'll be addicted to television or video games, I fear that he won't enjoy church or will runaway from God, I fear that he will be spoiled or have an attitude. My hopes are that he'll be a sweet and polite boy, he will pick a godly woman to be his wife (I think WAY ahead, clearly), and he will enjoy learning. These hopes and fears are a little harder to plan for which scares me even more. I can just already see how quickly time flies and how before I know it, he'll be off to start a life on his own.
And those, my friends, are the ramblings of a new momma. Happy Wednesday to you!
-Lauren
Anyone have similar fears or hopes? Am I the only one who thinks about my child's marriage and his whole future life? What are some ways that you've been able to overcome these worries and put things into practice to make your hopes a reality?
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